Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im six kinds of drunk right now
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
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A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
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Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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