Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
