Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
