I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
