if only i could text you this smell
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
