Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
