Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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