i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Sober January is a disaster.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
