So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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