She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
