I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
