I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
