I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
