I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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