I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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