You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
