I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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