this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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