He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
