Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
