Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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