His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
