Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
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It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
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you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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