If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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