Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
