Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
