Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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