when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
