I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
