batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
