omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
