I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I want a musical about memes.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
