remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
