Christians are straight up FREAKS
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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