Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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