So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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