my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
