he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
