how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
