That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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