Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
