time to smoke my breakfast
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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