your thong is hanging out like whoa
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
