I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
