Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
