She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
