Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
