My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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