in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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