where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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