We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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