what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
