well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't deserve a penis
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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