i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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