Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
