I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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