dude i'm inner monologue high
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
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I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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