look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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