Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
