Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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