I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Congratulations! We have a period
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