Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
