Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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