that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
