Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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