she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
