I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Drake has all the answers
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
